It’s been exactly one year since you passed on to glory and I have to say, it’s still hard to wrap my head around it at times. You mean to tell me it’s been a whole 365 days since? …It doesn’t feel like it . I still weep at times like it happened yesterday and the memory is as fresh as ever. In retrospect, I remain in awe of God’s intentionality to prepare us for your departure. The grief is still heavy at times but so is the gratitude….there’s a worthwhile promise on the other side.
The smallest things take me back…..things as simple as the smell of freshly baked chocolate cake and watching a mother pray over her children. They remind me of you, even though I never really forget. The smallest triggers are proof of just how much you cared about the little details in my life. You were so involved. Now, it takes very little to launch the avalanche of emotions that quickly provoke tears and I’m thankful for access to a God who welcomes my vulnerability. I don’t have to hide or put up a facade.. He sits with me as I process every raw emotion….Wailing, angry, annoyed, disappointed, you name it. There is no fear of it He can handle the truth because truth is synonymous with who He is.
Thank you for loving me so deeply and thank you for teaching me to draw near to God, it has saved my life repeatedly. When reality initially set in, I did not feel like I would make it another day… and honestly a huge part of me didn’t want to. It was a familiar feeling where a part of me hoped I just wouldn’t wake up in this painful world. But there was the other part of me that understood we’re all here on assignment for a set period of time, and yours was done. Life is a gift and I’m determined to use mine to honour the giver for as long as He would have me. I’ll serve my time and like you, I will serve it well.
What a privilege it is to be your daughter. To have had such close access to the kindest, most selfless soul? priceless. So tell me, how can I not be grateful? It hurts so much because I recognize the value in what God gifted me… no one cries over spoilt milk. You loved me well, so well.. I don’t know that there is any way you could have loved me better. I am amazed and in awe of how you continually extended yourself to give, and give, and give even when it meant you’d have nothing left. Your love has impacted my life forever and I see you in me sometimes. I mean, of course I do. After all, it is by virtue of the same Holy Spirit living on the inside of us. You were steadily my advocate, fighting for me when I didn’t have the boldness to ask for what I needed. You refused to let me settle. I didn’t like it at times but you were fierce in how you loved me. Not words, In words and in deeds just like our Lord commanded. You did well.
God really really loves me. I typed that while fighting back tears… I don’t see how I could have been deserving of you, of daddy, of my siblings… He gives the most perfect gifts and it is further evidence that He really loves me. My heart aches but again, I am so very grateful. Flowers will bloom from these tears.
1 year down, and as many as the Lord wills to go. I will continue to trust Him just like you said. He has repeatedly proven Himself to be faithful, I’m in love with our best friend and my spirit yearns to for us to reunite. It gets better, I really believe that. I love you mummy..honestly I do. Till we meet again.
– Signed Temilotope. 💕
P.S : I’ve been off here for a while, fighting for my sanity. More blog posts are coming, God stays teaching me through every trial and test and I’m eager to share them with you. My 20 + blog drafts need to see the light.
Also, this song hits different now. Mothers are blessings when they love you God’s way. S/O to Major for such a beautiful song.
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