Hey You, Imago Dei, Light-bearer. I hope you’ve been thriving. I’m here again with another pleasing God vs pleasing people post. It’s been real this season guys and clearly, there is something about this that I’ve been walking through. The lesson is – we must choose.
Y’all, the way that God has been stripping people-pleasing off of me this year has really been something. It’s an issue that, like I’ve said before(check out my last post on this here), I didn’t think I had that much of a problem with. Now over time, the Lord has revealed how this has been an issue for me in seemingly subtle ways like the etching desire to over-explain myself and be understood. Or the desire to NOT reach out and have a deeper uncomfortable conversation to preserve a perception or illusion of peace. That’s why every time I sense the Holy Spirit lead me otherwise, plainly speaking, it hurts. It makes sense though, refining requires heat and discomfort, so hurt does not always equal bad. Having difficult uncomfortable conversations when it will be easier to just move on really sucks. And not having some of those conversations that would’ve allowed you the opportunity to prove yourself or make a point also hurts!
The approach we ought to take really all comes down to the heart motive. Is Pride your driving force? Or is Humility the engine? Is your motive Service or Selfish? Does it please God or is it simply suitable for your comfort? There really is no blue-print for this on a surface level guys, this is why the Holy Spirit is so needed to lead us… He knows the roots and the ‘why’ , and will steer you accordingly. One of my life verses that emphasizes this point to me is Prov 26:4-5, two seemingly conflicting verses but I’ve come to learn that the difference is in discernment. Crucifixion is a really painful death and we’re called to die to our flesh in this way….. it’s no wonder it hurts.
Is Pride your driving force? Or is Humility the engine?
Is your motive Service or Selfish?
Does it please God or is it simply suitable for your comfort?
Some time ago, as it has been custom this year (lol), I had yet another uncomfortable conversation. It went great but I couldn’t help but stew on a bunch of “what-if’s” afterwards. I prayed to God asking Him to please clarify to my friend where I was coming from, and to reveal my heart’s intention. That seems like a very noble prayer, I mean of course right?! Nah fam, it was like a gut punch when the Holy Spirit convicted me. He asked me if that prayer was really for me, or for my friend. Was it about clarity and peace for my friend? or primarily about comfort for me? Comfort in knowing my friend sees and gets me. I wanted the way I was perceived to be consistent with my heart…. but often times, what people perceive is contaminated by biases, life experiences, trauma, ignorance, etc, and the end result is often a bunch of faulty misinterpretations and misjudgements. That’s just life. I quickly realized that though my prayer being answered would have been beneficial to both parties, in that moment, it was motivated by a self-focused desire – a desire to be truly understood. Nothing wrong with this desire, but that realization really forced me to think bigger than myself. Will I be content if the only people that knew the truth were God and I? [Sidenote : This has absolutely nothing to do with the point but typing “God and I” just now took me back to English class… felt weird but I think my English teacher would be proud lol.]
Would YOU be content if the only people that understood you for a season were you and God? Of course everyone wants to be understood, but what is the reason behind your need to explain yourself?… Is it primarily to cover the other person for their benefit? Or is it because you want to correct their perception of you? Why are you adamant about proving your self? I want people to see me for me but the truth of the matter is, they are not always going to see that because we’ve all got a set of lens we have on that could impact how we see things. And also, you’re not always going to be understood especially when God has you out here doing things that are ‘crazy’ to the natural mind. Sometimes, you are not going to be able to explain your actions even if you wanted to because it’s beyond your own understanding … you must rely on the Holy Spirit to reveal truth to whoever necessary when the time is right.
This year, I’ve seen just how imperative it is that we are not swayed by the opinions of men when walking on a word from God. The repercussions of letting people-pleasing control you can be catastrophic… I’m not being dramatic, I really do mean that and I’ll give you a primal example. When we read the story of Jesus and the crucifixion[Matthew, Mark and Luke’s account], we see that while Jesus humbled himself on that cross to save the world from sin, there were people mocking and taunting Him. They were prodding and scoffing at Him trying to get Him to prove himself. “He saved others,” they scoffed, “but he can’t save himself! So he is the King of Israel, is he? Let him come down from the cross right now, and we will believe in him!” [Mat 27:42]. Jesus had and has all power, He CHOSE to lay his life down and I cannot help but imagine the human side of Him that must have yearned to free himself from the ridicule and prove to those naysayers that He indeed was who He said He was. He CHOSE to submit to God instead of proving a point to people, to please God instead of pleasing men. He CHOSE to keep His eyes above and endure the shame. He CHOSE you and I. He CHOSE us.
In the middle of the shame, mockery, pain and torture, He made a difficult choice that was the price of our freedom. If Jesus had succumbed to people-pleasing in that moment, it would have cost us all our lives, literally. That is just how catastrophic it would have been for the world that He came to give life to. All through his ministry on the earth, there is no shortage of instances where we see Jesus take a stand despite conflicting opinions of Him. He was mission-minded, we must be too.
Jesus was mission-minded, we must be too.
Jesus tackled this issue of conflicting opinions and trying to get the approval of men when He said this : “For John didn’t spend his time eating and drinking, and you say, ‘He’s possessed by a demon.’ 19 The Son of Man, on the other hand, feasts and drinks, and you say, ‘He’s a glutton and a drunkard, and a friend of tax collectors and other sinners!’ But wisdom is shown to be right by its results.” Even Jesus did not get a consensus so why do you strive to get that? Do not compromise the truth for a consensus, please. Let Wisdom and Truth speak for you.
Do not compromise the truth for a consensus. Let the results of Wisdom and Truth speak for you.
So in full transparency (okay, maybe not ‘full’, but wise transparency… I do believe there is wisdom is silence and a level of privacy sometimes), relationships have been a very very tough cookie for me this year… actually since the latter half of last year. And to be clear, I’m not talking about romantic relationships here, relationships in general – platonic especially. What’s crazy about it is that while I was ‘ranting’ if you will, to God about it in my head, I remembered that I prayed for this. Now I did not pray for all the drama, heartache, and just pain honestly that I’ve been dealing with as a result, but I earnestly prayed for years for God to grant me good Christian friends, and Godly community. And please do not get me wrong at all, I have met some really amazing people but it has not been void of some really wild, unforeseen challenges that I did not anticipate. Relationships, while an absolute blessing, do not come void of challenges, Christian or not. This is because they are made of of imperfect people and regardless of how much self-work you do on your own, some imperfections will show up in relationship. After all, we will continually be works-in-progress until our time on the earth is up.
I prayed for the Lord to refine me and one of the ways He has been doing that is through relationships with people. Difficult situations with people we have proximity with have the tendency to expose some things in us that do not mirror Christ. And by “some things”, I mean a “a LOT of things” lol. In His kindness, He uses them to reveal areas we are yet to submit to the Lordship of Christ. Is He Lord over how you respond when you feel you’re being taken advantage of? Is He Lord when your “friend” stabs you in the back and you have ample ammunition to retaliate? Is He Lord when you’re sick of being judged and you have evidence to vindicate you? Is He Lord when you’re in position to bless the person who slandered and betrayed you? How will you respond? Will you respond in convenience or submission? Will you satisfy/gratify your flesh or submit to the leading of the Holy Spirit? Here we go again – We must choose.
Difficult situations with people we have proximity with have the tendency to expose some things in us that do not mirror Christ.
If nothing else, I hope I’ve given you something to think about, to pray on, and hopefully a profitable perspective. Make the choice now not to crumble under the opinions of men. Make the choice now not to morph for the approval of men. Make the choice now to make God’s will and instruction your priority. Make the choice now and daily, and I believe by the spirit of God you will grow in strength, resilience and fruit that will be evidence that every choice was well worth the sacrifice. Like I love to say, you got this cause God’s got you! Choose right today.
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